Story So Far……
Bad actor Eurasian Eagle Owl P-Hootiy, the main strategic adversary of Owl, a morepork owl and star covert operative of O.W.L. (Owl Woo-Woo unLimited) the secret intelligence network of the World Wide Wood (www.), is struggling against the magic woven by AI illusionist ZEL Lenskiy. Will this escapologist escape his doom?
A Ruru in My Garage: Morepork Owl or Ruru
Rosa Stewart
ZEL: “I’ve woven a magical illusion that makes P-Hootiy & L-H$$tiy believe they’ve already escaped their fate. This illusion is so convincing that P-Hootiy & “The Loot” believe they are free and won’t attempt to escape again. I’ve foiled their plan to stash their Nut Cartel loot in untraceable trees down Costa Rica way!”
Eurasian Eagle Owl
aka P-Hootiy
Mistinguett aka Poppy P-Hootiyeva
White Gyrfalcon aka Poppy P-Hootiyeva,
daughter of P-Hootiy and CEO of the P-Hootiy Family Nut Cartel
“The Force Is With Me” : President of Ukraine Volodymyr Zelenskiy
And Horny, the Great Horned Owl, Cat-Owl Ponzi P-Hootiyeva & ‘Lucy’ Lucifer, Capo dei Capo dell’Inferno, have exited Hell🔥♨️🔞to scope its environs for a fast route to Costa Rica to meet up with the rest of the P-Hootiy Crime Family.
But our masked crusader of skies Owl has them covered!
He’s called in the Air Farces of O.W.L. and ZEL and his ground forces to encircle them and is about to reveal his masterly plan to trap these rats! When he’s thought of it……….!
Owl of O.W.L. – New Zealand Morepork (Ruru) Owl (Ninox novaeseelandiae)
Owl: Unfair! I’ve executed ONE cunning plan already. It’s based on the old finger trap trick. I’ve bound Horny, Ponzi & Lucy Lucifer to the Gates of Hell🔥♨️🔞and enchanted to chain to grow stronger the more they try to pull away.
Chinese finger trap (also known as Chinese finger prison, Chinese finger cuffs, Chinese finger puzzle, Chinese handcuffs, Mexican finger fun, Chinese finger torture and Mexican handcuffs) toys.
carol – Own work
But I need to make contact with them first and lull them into thinking they can escape their magical chains with impunity using a false story. Classic misdirection! I’ll pretend to offer them ‘negotiation’ (which means L-H$$ty to moi) and allow them a safe route to Costa Rica. The Black Cat Owl Ponzi will be up for that. She wants to go home.
Ukrainian necklaces
What she doesn’t know of course is that I’ve enlisted my old friend and O.W.L. colleague Specky Owl (Pulsatrix perspicallata chapmani of Costa Rica) to nab them when they arrive. It’s really a back-up plan in case this plan doesn’t work. It will, of course, but one cannot be too careful as the star operative of O.W.L. I have my reputation to keep up as the masked Crusader of the Skies!
Pulsatrix perspicallata chapmani of Costa Rica
Let’s not forget that, although her real name is Ponzi P-Hootiyeva, when I first met her she went by Purr-fecta Paloma Mossack Fonseca Buenaventura de Arroyo. She’s a flexible double-jointed Owl who used to hang out with the Chechen Twins, her trapeze artist boy-friends. We have history. We had a thing together in Season 2 in a pea-green boat and went to the Moskva Ballet together when I was on a noc mission tasked to go after Horny and P-Hootiy who were in league. Sigh! I bought her a pink Valentina Bear – but she betrayed me and ran off with Horny and the zolotse! Then I discovered she was P-Hootiy’s cross-species daughter. He always was a deviant! Now he’s a monster and wants to take over the Wood and use it for firewood!
Top Left: Dita Von Teese, Top Right: Black Owl
But I digress down the boulevard of broken dreams!
Owl hums nostalgically…….
Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)
The Beatles
I once had a girl
Or should I say
She once had me
She showed me her room
Isn’t it good
[Eurasia] Wood
She asked me to stay
And she told me to sit anywhere
So I looked around
And I noticed there wasn’t a chair
I sat on a rug
Biding my time
Drinking her wine
We talked until two
And then she said
“It’s time for bed”
She told me she worked in the morning
And started to laugh
I told her I didn’t
And crawled off to sleep in the bath
And when I awoke
I was alone
This bird had flown
So I lit a fire
Isn’t it good
[Eurasia] Wood
Apologies to John Lennon & Paul McCartney
Owl: Oh memories….aren’t they a bitch! But it was a long time ago and I’m happy now with my precious Belle Époque and my young’uns Leafy Green and the Other One, ummm, can’t quite recall the name…..embarrassing!
Anyhoo, I’m nearly good to go but I just need one other cunning plan to lure the enemy further out from the Gates of Hell🔥♨️🔞 and lull it into a false sense of security. I’ll have to consult my best strategist – me!
💡……thinking….thinking….thinking…thinking……..💡
I’ve got it! Watch and learn about Combined Arms Operations, owlets (O.W.L. interns) and senior O.W.L. know-it-alls!
Owl to Ponzi, Owl to Ponzi (hooting loudly)
Cut to Gates of Hell🔥♨️🔞
Ponzi: What have you done to us, Owl, you fiendish fool?
Owl: Hello, ma chatte. Looking good. I have no idea what you’re hissing about. I just came by to see if you wanted to negotiate your way out of Hell🔥♨️🔞? I thought you might want to be queen of the South again.
Ponzi (suspiciously): We’re already out of Hell🔥♨️🔞. We’re just mysteriously stuck. What’s in it for you, Owl, you freaky-feathered titwit?
Owl: I hoped you might tell me, my dear. I’m open to excellent offers. A deal is so much nicer than…..the alternative, don’t you think?
Horny Owl: Jealous are we, Owl? A life doing good for the Wood isn’t good enough for you? I must say I’ve been very pleased with my dear Ponzi. Such a clever one. It’s the cat in her I think.
Great Horned Owl (Bubo virginianus)
Greg Hume – Own work
Owl: No, Horny, she just isn’t as thick as you. I mean, her ear tufts aren’t as thick as yours, my flossy-feathered frenemy!
Lucy: What the devil are you up to, Owl? You knew this day would come. You just didn’t pay me enough to keep guarding them. Tell you what, you can have a tiny percentage of the L-Hooty. There’s quite a lot of nuts so that will be a lot. A few bags.…..
Owl: Done.
Ponzi (suspiciously): Why so fast, Owl? I thought you would have a longer negotiation like you usually do?
Owl (yawning): I’m bored with this gig. I need to get home to my lovely lady-wife Belle before she runs back to the Folies Bergère. You never met her did you, Ponzi? We have two young-uns now, you know. New O.W.L. recruits. Very proud. Good flyers both of them.
Auguste Renoir, Bal du moulin de la Galette, 1876, oil on canvas, 131 × 175 cm, Musée d’Orsay
Horny: Ok, Ok, we can’t stand around wasting time squawking. Help yourself to a few sacks. Make it 10. Have you got a humanoid to drag them for you?
Owl: Never you mind, Horny. I see your famous Royal Horniness didn’t amount to much. Ponzi didn’t fancy having your owlets then?
To Ponzi: Too late to tempt you to join O.W.L. and run a class on Manipulation, Lying, Conning & General Dirty Tricks?
Ponzi: Shut up, Owl. Let’s go, boys! The ride is waiting. We’re going First Class, Owl. Enjoy your miserable life. May it be nasty, brutish & short!
Exeunt with slaves from Hell🔥♨️🔞dragging the nuts.
Cut to a clearing nearby where Owl’s Brigade Combat Team has gathered – some turkeys are gathering with coyotes, foxes, wild cats and some trained rats. An Air Farce of Godzilla Drone, Blue Jay Jets, Gipsy Hawks and Jayhawks are overhead along with ZEL’s Ural Owls. They have ordnance in the shape of very large Ostrich Eggs.
Top Left: Evgeniy Nesterenko Сharacter Artist/Concept Artist/2D Artist, Kiev, Ukraine hitman725.artstation.com
Top Middle: Faberge Egg; Top Right: Ural Owl
Bottom Left: Godzilla Drone; Bottom Right: Old West Invitational Turkey Shoot, Wyoming
Owl to Team: Now hear this! ZEL has some words for you all. After all, we’re here for him and his Lost Paradise to stop the Bad Owls from destroying our Habitat! ZEL….
ZEL: Greetings, All! I’m not going to mince my words. They would be inedible. It’s going to be a Turkey Shoot! We’re going to unravel the Cartel and save the Wood!
Here is the Order of the Day.
NEXT TIME: It’s O-Day! The Owls & Creatures of the Wood Rise Up and Attack!
Click here Meet the Cast of Characters of The Classified Adventures of Owl of O.W.L.
Venezia flame-feathered Colombina mask from the Commoedia Del’Arte
Pamela is a New Zealand consultant, founder of Sky Canopy Consulting, a writer, a geopolitical satirist, researcher, analyst and synthesiser, with a Masters in Conflict and Terrorism Studies from the University of Auckland. She has been around long enough on this planet to be a former lawyer, psychotherapist and executive coach.
She loves owls, masks, ballet, black cats, hot air balloons, witches and wizards, Shakespeare, metaphors, memes, magical realism, hypnosis, reading, history, walking around lakes, living by the sea, carnivals, carousels, circuses, tango, Fiat cars, surrealism, Mozart, opera, dragons, cheongsams, sky rockets, turkish delight, spider brooches, mosaics, museums, hot baths, beer, red wine, bedtime stories, Christmases, holidays, native birds and their habitats, riding on her broomstick and travelling in her imagination.
👁All images used are from Wikipedia, Pixabay, Pexels and Pinterest under a Creative Commons Licence.
Ukrainian owl painting by Olena Skytsiuk
SKY CANOPY 